GOLD: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by ceiye
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a GOLD unit! In order to ensure you have the best time with him, you might wanna read this. Rated T uhh... just in case?


Okay, this was a way late. Sorry. I have an excuse though! I didn't feel like it. Kidding. School. Anyways, this took a little more research, since I'm not as familiar with the GSC Arc. Presenting the Gold Owners Guide and Maintenance Manual. In a new format! I did not know there was an "add horizontal line" button there.

**DISCLAIMER: **Really, I barely own my own laptop, you think I can own Pokemon? I'm still mad about that…

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><p><strong>GOLD Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual<strong>

**CONGRATULATIONS!** For some reason, you have just purchased your very own **GOLD** unit! This manual was made in order for you, the owner, to understand how to extract the very best of your unit. And believe us, you will need this manual.

**Model Specifications:**

**Name: **Gold. Nickname include: LIAR!, Pervert, and any insult you wish to use. Unless you are a sexy lady or a **SILVER **or **CRYSTAL** unit, calling him by anything besides Gold is unadvised.

**Title:** Breeder, Hatcher, etc.

**Date of Manufacture:** July 21, year of manufacture unknown ((I'm still a lazy bitch. Deal with it.))

**Age: **Before the **POKEMON ADVENTURE! **function, 11. Current age: 16 or so.

**Place of Manufacture: **New Bark Town, Johto

**Height:** Average

**Weight:** Slightly underweight, like most units in the **Dexholder** Set

**Length:** …I'm sure he will be glad to tell you…

**Set:** **Dexholder** (**Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, Black, Cheren, Bianca. **Special set: **Wally, White**)

**Sub Set: Johto**

**Clothing and Accessories Included**

These depend on what version you have bought. Because we have not yet released the patch for **GOLD** version 2.0, the following will be for version 1.0 and 1.5.

Two (2) Black and yellow caps

Two (2) Pairs of goggles

Five (5) Red and white jackets

Five (5) Pairs of yellow shorts

Infinite (∞) Indestructible cue stick. (Where the hell he gets these, we don't know.) Do not try and take this away from your **GOLD** unit. We are not responsible for any related injuries.

One (1) Pokedex version II (ver. VI is yet to come out)

One (1) Pokegear

One (1) Skateboard

Although not provided in the set, it is highly recommended for the owner of a **GOLD** unit to have Random Eggs around him.

If any items are lost or broken (besides the cue stick) you may order more from our catalogue.

**Pokémon:**

If any of these Pokémon get lost or broken, you may order another from our catalogue. All of the following will be from the **Pokémon Gold** Set.

Default Pokémon:

These are if you wish to keep your **GOLD** unit in the LAZY PERVERT function.

Aipom (**AITARO, AIBO)**

Weedle

Kakuna

Sandshrew

Oddish

Drowzee

Krabby

Exeggcute

Lickitung

Chansey

If you choose to activate the POKEMON ADVENTURE (ver. 1.0) function:

Aipom (**AITARO, AIBO)**

Cyndaquil → Quilava → Typhlosion (**EXPLOTARO, EXBO)**

Poliwag → Poliwhirl → Politoed (**POLITARO, POLIBO)**

Sudowoodo (**UTARO, SUBODO)**

Random Egg/ Togepi (**EGGY, TOGEBO, TOGETARO)**

Sunkern → Sunflora (**SUNTARO, SUNBO)**

Mantine (**MANTARO, TIBO)**

Several gazillion Remoraid (freeze dried for convenience.)

Pichu

Special Set:

The following Pokémon are crucial to completing the POKEMON ADVENTURE (1.0) function. You may order them from our catalogue.

**CELEBI** (**Johto Legends** Set)

**HO-OH, LUGIA, SUICUNE, ENTEI, RAIKOU** (It is highly, HIGHLY unadvisable to activate these indoors unless you want several bird and dog shaped holes in your wall.)

**Removal of your GOLD unit from packaging:**

There are many ways to remove your **GOLD** unit from his packaging. The following are the most popular ways, even if our company does not advise doing so.

1. You may open the box directly and hope that he does not pop out of the box, hitting you. He may be a little disoriented, but otherwise perfectly fine. He will allow you to reprogram him. This rarely happens, but hey, you never know.

2. Shout "IT'S RAINING WOMEN!" Or anything like that. The **GOLD** unit will rush out of the box, potentially running over you, looking for said women. While he is looking, quickly reprogram him.

3. Place a **SILVER** and/or **CRYSTAL** unit in front of the box. The **CRYSTAL** unit will start scolding the **GOLD** unit. He will run out of the box and stuff. We were having fudge and weren't paying attention. The **SILVER **unit will open the box himself and start hitting the **GOLD** unit, saying something about touching his sister. Again, fudge. The former will make your unit very happy while the latter may send him to the hospital.

4. Place a **RED** unit in front of the box and the **GOLD **unit will run out of the box to meet his senpai

You may try any way you want, but we are not responsible for any related injuries.

**Programming**

Your **GOLD **unit is equipped with the following traits:

Male Model: Like most boys in **Dexholder** set, your **GOLD** unit is extremely attractive. Need some extra cash, or maybe just show your unit off to the world? Send your **GOLD** unit to the nearest modeling agency, and watch him work his magic! We did that once, but then the female models there gave us fudge. What happened to the unit, we don't know.

Eggsitter: Your **GOLD** unit isn't called "the Breeder" ((or something)) for nothing! If you have some extra eggs lying around, give them to your unit. **Warning: If you do not like caring for baby pokemon, do not leave any eggs near your unit. Pokemon, animal, cells, or anything of the sort. **

**Functions:**

It is rather easy to activate the functions of your **GOLD** unit. However, you will need to borrow a friend's units or buy them through our catalogue to finish them all.

**LAZY PERVERT**: This is the default function of your **GOLD** unit. He will be a lazy pervert who spends his time sleeping, eating, gambling, and listening to DJ Mary.

**POKEMON ADVENTURE:** This requires the following units and props to activate, along with some of the above:

**UNNAMED MOTHER **(**Parent** set)

**JOEY **(**Random people** set)

**PROFESSOR ELM **(Professor set)

**SILVER **(**Dexholder **set)

**MURKROW **

**ASSORTED POKEMON**

A large tree

Radio

After some events, your **GOLD** unit will obtain (read steal) a Cyndaquil and go on his **POKEMON ADVENTURE! **He will travel around the region for no particular reason, aside from trying to capture a **SILVER** unit.

**EMERALD ADVENTURE: **This will automatically activate sometime in the future. Make sure you have a large suit of armor, lest your unit and all other **Dexholder** units up to **EMERALD** will die. To learn more about the **EMERALD ADVENTURE** function, read your **EMERALD **unit's Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual. ((Don't expect me to write this one. I didn't like the Emerald arc.))

**POKEMON ADVENTURE 2:** This will automatically activate in the far future after the **EMERALD ADVENTURE** function whenever out new **ARCEUS** unit is nearby. And by nearby we mean a 150 mile radius. We are still researching this function, so it is advised to keep all **GOLD** units away from any **ARCEUS** units. We honestly don't know what will happen, but you can have some fudge if you did activate it. You have been warned.

**Modes:**

Your **GOLD** unit comes in nine (9) different modes.

Perverted Ass (default)

Annoying (default)

Angry

Flirty

Teasing

Liar!

Respectful (locked)

Smart (locked)

Horney (locked)

OOC (locked)

Perverted Ass and Annoying are the default modes for your **GOLD** unit.

Angry mode activated by well, making him angry. We are not responsible for any related injuries.

Flirty mode is activated whenever there are cute girls around. Teasing is activated whenever he feels like it. They are more or less the same thing.

Liar! mode would be a default too, but the test **GOLD** unit got all mopey, so we didn't make it one. This is when he lies. A lot. And pretty obviously too.

Respectful mode is activated by leaving famous or strong units near him for a period of time.

Smart mode is pretty rare, and hard to unlock. It's where your **GOLD** unit actually has a good idea. Sometimes it works. Most of the time, he is a smart ASS.

Horney mode is locked for a reason, do not attempt to unlock. But if you're curious. Let your **GOLD** unit watch a bunch of rated R movies and give him lots of porn/anything erotic. Beware: whether you're a girl or boy, he will attempt to "do stuff" with you while you are asleep. We are not responsible for losing your virginity.

OOC mode is a glitch in the programming. We have not fixed it due to popular demand. We do not know how to unlock it either. Your **GOLD** unit will act like a five year old girl, throwing little tantrums every five seconds and destroying anything within 6 feet. If you are tired of your **GOLD** unit acting like a little bitch, just drop something heavy on his head and reprogram him. We suggest a brick.

**REACTION TO OTHER UNITS**

When around other people, your **GOLD** unit will act like he normally would- an annoying perverted ass.

**CRYSTAL:** Your **GOLD **unit will be at permanent Perverted Ass and Annoying mode. Occasionally Teasing. Later, he will move on to Flirty mode. But he will still be Annoying and a Perverted Ass. Left together for a long period of time, they can get together.

**SILVER:** Again, your **GOLD **unit will be at permanent Perverted Ass and Annoying mode. Occasionally Teasing. For all you PreciousMetalShippers, you can interpret that as Flirting. If you want the two units to get together, keep all contact away from a **CRYSTAL **unit.

**MOST SENIOR UNITS:** Your **GOLD **unit will be Respectful to your senior units (**RED, GREEN, BLUE, YELLOW)**, though it may take a while for him to respect a **YELLOW** unit. If a **SILVER **unit is not nearby, **GOLD** will attempt to flirt with a **BLUE** unit. And other stuff.

**Cleaning**

Your unit is fully capable of cleaning himself, though he will gladly bathe with you if you are a girl.

**Feeding**

**GOLD** units, being teenage boys, need three or more meals a day. He is capable of cooking, but he prefers if someone else does it. He enjoys hamburgers (where you can get beef in the Pokémon world, we don't know), famous foods, and assorted candies.

**ENERGY**

Your **GOLD** unit tends to watch horror or action movies (occasionally Disney) at night. Just make sure he goes to bed by 12:00. He might sneak out at any time, so you may want to buy an alarm.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: Help! My **GOLD** unit disappeared! What do I do?

A: You probably activated his **EMERALD ADVENTURE** or **POKEMON ADVENTURE 2!** function. If it is the **EMERALD ADVENTURE **function, he will be back in a week or so. Too bad if it is the **POKEMON ADVENTURE 2! **function. Until we have figured out more, you might never see your unit again. Sorry.

Q: **GOLD **lost his cue stick and is ripping apart my house looking for it. Can I get a new one?

A: Alas, we do not know where he gets those, so you may either help him find it or send him back for a full refund.

Q: I asked for a boy from Johto with black hair, but instead of a loveable awesome bastard, I got some guy with red eyes and keeps saying "BEAUTIFUL!" and stuff like that.

A: We apologize for that mistake. We appear to have sent you a **RUBY** unit instead. You may exchange him for your **GOLD** unit or keep him. **RUBY**s make good friends if you are willing to put up with him.

Q: My **GOLD** unit suddenly shrunk! He's adorable and all, but how do I turn him back into himself?

A: You have unlocked his Chibi! mode. Please tell us how you did that.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Your **GOLD** unit is just sitting there staring into space.

Solution: He may be stuck in time. The length of being stuck in time depends on both the **GOLD** and **CELEBI** units. He may be there for a while.

Problem: You opened the box, instead of finding an 11 year old perv, you have a 16 year old teen who looks angry and angsty. He only glares at you and attacks everything around him.

Solution: Sorry about that, some of our test **GOLD** units escaped. We were testing the **POKEMON ADVENTURE 2! **function when we got more fudge. You may all blame the fudge.

Problem: Your unit is spending too much time in his room.

Solution: He's probably just bored. Let him hang out with any other models in our **Dexholder **set or take him out for a walk. Remember to bring a leash.

**Warranty:** Your **GOLD** unit has a three year money back guarantee unless you clearly go against the guidelines detailed here, in which case we are not obliged to accept a return. Your **GOLD** unit should live longer than that, but we can't do anything about wild fangirls or angry **CRYSTAL** units.

**End Notes**

With enough care, love, and entertainment, you'll find **GOLD** to be a wonderful companion! We wish you luck and hope you have a good time with him! And send us some fudge if you were satisfied!

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><p>Again, sorry for taking so long. Tell me if I missed anything. Wow, this was almost 3000 words. Not bad for me. Some parts may sound stereotypey Chinese or British or Italian or PrussianAwesome. That is because I've been listening to Hetalia songs while writing this.

You know, I think I will take this opportunity to explain my other fics:

How to Annoy Each Dexholder: On an indefinite hiatus since my laptop broke.

PokeSpe Meets the Game: Also on an indefinite hiatus.

Fill in the Blanks: Request fic. If I get anything that anyone wants explained, using stupid theories, ask.

PokeSpe Truth or Dare: I have a couple chapters, but it was in my laptop. Currently rewriting. Will take a while. I might have to change it into no anons.

I kinda feel like writing my OC story (Pokemon. Hetalia takes research.) I had since 3rd grade (meaning a billion years ago), but I have all those to finish. With the OC story, there will be regular updates since I already wrote it, but again, the above. What do you all think?


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